Your friends and family just don’t GET you, do they?

Your friends and family just don’t GET you, do they?

Fabienne Fredrickson
October 15, 2013

I’m thrilled to introduce you to one of our standout students of The Client Attraction Business School™, Love and Passion Coach Stacey Martino. Please welcome Stacey as our first guest contributor to the Client Attraction blog. As always, we’d love to hear your feedback. Please post your comments and questions below. ~ Fabienne. Connect with Stacey on Facebook here.

Stacey MartinoEver come back from a phenomenal personal development event or program and feel like “no one in my regular life gets me?”

I’ve spent the last two decades in the personal development field and coached countless people who are on the path of personal development.  One thing I’ve noticed, repeatedly, was the struggle that people on the personal development path had assimilating back into the “muggle world” (as Fabienne so perfectly named it).

I noticed a pattern as people came back into their every-day life, where one of two things would happen.  Either they would spew unwanted personal development stuff all over the people around them, or worse, they would go back to playing small so as not to alienate the people close to them.

This breaks my heart.  So, I created a tool to help my clients maintain their long lasting breakthroughs AND cultivate their personal relationships at the same time! Because YES, you can have it all!!

When your relationships are not where you want them to be it impacts every area of your life… your confidence, your self-worth and your happiness. (Click here to tweet this.)

First, let me explain, that there are two groups of people in your life today.

The first group consists of the people in your life who GROW with you. They hold you to a higher standard, challenge you to be the best version of yourself and will reach out and pull you up to your next level.

The other group of people in your life is your friends and family.  They are the people who love you and have known you the longest.  They are NOT on the personal development path right now.

Pain happens when you interact with your friends and family, as if they are part of that first group (those who grow with you) and you share your growth and development work with them. I understand.  It’s not easy to watch the people in your life suffer when you know you have a distinction that can help them.

But what you are missing is the flip-side of that interaction.  It’s also painful for your friends and family.

While you are coming from the most loving of intentions, when you offer unwanted personal growth, what your friends and family actually hear is “I guess you don’t think I’m good enough the way I am.”

They feel rejected.

So you both end up feeling bad.  And the relationship gets strained.  This is where too many people, end up distancing themselves from people they just don’t know how to “be” with.

I created a tool called Right Hand/Left Hand to help my clients integrate long lasting change into their lives in a way that enhances their personal relationships too! Here’s how it works:

Put your hands out in front of you, palms up.

In your left hand is the people you grow with.  When you are in your Left Hand, you get support, validation, growth and personal development.

In your right hand is your Friends and Family.  You only go to your right hand to GIVE!  GIVE unconditional love and compassion to each and every one of them! You are a force for good in their lives!

You go to your left hand to GET, and out of that growth, YOU have the potential to GIVE unconditionally to your friends and family!

Left Hand = You go to GROW

Right Hand = You go to GIVE

Most people will go through their entire lives never having anyone give them unconditional love and compassion for exactly who they are.  You have the ability within you to be that person for your friends and family!  Don’t sell yourself short and distance yourself.  Step in!

How does this relate to your relationships—both personal and professional?  When your relationships are not where you want them to be it impacts every area of your life… your confidence, your self-worth and your happiness.

As a love and passion relationship expert, I help my clients to reignite the passion and create rock solid alignment with their partner.

When you are creating transformation in your intimate relationship, measuring what you are GETTING back will actually block the progress that you desire.  During the transformation process, you need to GIVE unconditionally to your partner!

It is during this time, when you are creating your magnificent love affair that you must put your partner into your Right Hand, with your friends and family.  Give them unconditional love!

And that is the key to constantly growing and developing while enhancing the relationships in your life—so you can be the best version of yourself and have the greatest relationships with the people you love too!

cropheadshotstaceyStacey & Paul Martino are the founders of LoveAndPassionCoach.com and the creators of the Relationship Transformation System™, the proven step-by-step Relationship Transformation program helping people all around the world create their unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime!

With nearly two decades in personal development, Stacey is trained and certified as a Marriage Educator and Divorce Preventionist by Tony Robbins of Robbins Madanes.  Start creating your magnificent love affair today, click here to get your free audio program How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps.

  • Sandi Johnson Gordon

    Great blog, Stacey! I encourage everyone to sign up for Stacey’s video series – it’s so full of value that it is hard to believe it’s free! And, I hope you’ve already gotten your free audio CD from Fabienne – she’s my marketing mentor and an amazing one at that – my business is exploding with the help I’ve received from Fabienne (and Derek)!

    • Stacey Martino

      WHooo hooooo!!! Thank you Sandi!! Love you sweetie!

  • Sandy Lêveque

    I love this advice and have not heard this idea of right hand / left hand to remember the two ‘groups’ before. That’s going to be easy to remember!!! Thank you 🙂

    • Stacey Martino

      Wonderful Sandy!!! I’m SO thrilled this serves you!!! Sending love!

  • Shannon Freed

    I love this advice also!! Awesome article! I often feel this way, especially with family. I totally agree with Sandi about signing up for Stacey’s free video series and Fabienne’s free CD. I work with BOTH of them and anything you can get from either of them for free would be invaluable!

    • Stacey Martino

      Whoooo Hoooo!!! You Rock Shannon!! Thanks so much for sharing here sweetie!!! Love you!!!

  • Catherine Sternberg

    Great article.. I have never heard this addressed before and it really resonated with me.
    Catherine Sternberg http://www.facebook.com/coachinyourcorner

    • Stacey Martino

      Wonderful Catherine!!! I’m thrilled this served you!!! Thanks for sharing here! Sending love!

  • Laura

    I love you Stacey. 🙂 So well-put and wonderfully stated. And such a great visual to remember where we go when. It is so easy to shrink back when we come home. It’s so vital to remember where WE get our support and what to do with those that don’t know us in that growth aspect. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Stacey Martino

      I love YOU Laura!!! I’m so thrilled this serves you!!!! It warms my heart to know you are taking this tool into your life and spreading more love!!! Love you sweetie!

  • Love the visual of the left and right hand – growing and giving in perfect balance. Great post!

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Maggie!! So thrilled this visual serves you!! Sending love!

  • Ingrid Prueher

    What an eye-opener! Thank you for sharing your wisdom so we can all have meaningful and lasting relationships with the people we choose in our lives. I will continue to share your information with my community. I can’t say enough about your current free video program. We all need you in our lives 🙂

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Ingrid!!!!! It’s my pleasure to serve!! I’m so thrilled that you are getting so much out of our free video program too!!! Love you so much sweetie!!! And the world (and MY family) needs YOU too!!!

  • Louise Behiel

    I’ve done many personal development workshops but have never heard of this idea of left hand, right hand. what wonderful information to make the transformation easier. thanks Stacey. By the way, just watched your video and loved it.

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Louise!!! Yes, that is a great observation! That’s why I created this tool for our clients!!! And THANK YOU for watching the video of me doing Right Hand/Left Hand!!!! So thrilled you loved it!!! Sending love!!!

  • Terry Nicholetti

    Stacey, this is brilliant! I love the l/right hand tool. It was quite an eye opener when I first realizedall the times my attempts to “help” really were messages of “you’? Re not good enough. ” now iit will be easier to remember that. I can’t wait to have a love and passion relationship for you to coach!

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Terry!!! I’m so thrilled this serves you!!! you ARE love Terry!! Love you!

  • The Muggle world. I love it!

    • Stacey Martino

      Haha! Isn’t that awesome! So perfectly fitting! That’s Fabienne, she has a way of relating that makes it so easy to understand! THanks for commenting! Sending love!

  • Laurie J. Wilson

    Thanks so much for this, Stacey! Wise words

    • Stacey Martino

      You are welcome Laurie!!! Thank you for commenting! Love you sweetie!

  • LeAnn Lyon

    I am watching your video series and your video explanation of left hand/right hand is so powerful!! I have also attended many Tony Robbins events, and all my life love love love to connect and share ideas with people. I could just never “get” why they didn’t “get” it! NOW I do! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

    • Stacey Martino

      You are SO welcome LeAnn!!!! I’m thrilled this is serving you! Thank you for sharing here sweetie! Love you!

  • Michelle Tenzyk

    Stacey – So love you got the FIRST blog spot! How amazing and so deserved. Great piece with lots of yummy brownies for all of us.

    • Stacey Martino

      Thanks Michelle!!!!! You are so sweet!!! I’m so glad you loved the “brownies”!!! Love you!

  • DebbyBruck

    I appreciate this well written article about two main ways people react to a motivational workshop when they return to the home environment. Helps us to see ourselves a little more clearly.

    • Stacey Martino

      I’m thrilled this serves you Debby! Seeing it more clearly is so valuable. Thanks for sharing!

  • Debi Singho

    Stacey, thanks for this great post. I love it, Left hand to grow/right hand to give. Simple and easy. Thanks also for being such a beautiful giver:)

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Debi! So glad this serves you! Love you!

  • Sarah Schwab

    Stacey, This is wonderful. I have been watching your video series as well, so I heard you talking about this “in person” which is even better! You are truly gifted, and I am so glad you are sharing it with the world (and us!!)

    • Stacey Martino

      Thank you Sarah!!! I’m so thrilled that you got to see the videos too!!! Thanks for sharing! Love you!

  • Frances Arnold

    “When your relationships are not where you want them to be it impacts
    every area of your life… your confidence, your self-worth and your
    happiness.” – I love this quote! Thank you for your words of wisdom. Congratulations on being the FIRST guest blogger at Client Attraction!

    • Stacey Martino

      Thanks for sharing Frances! Love you sweetie!

  • Kathleen Watson

    Oh. My. Gosh. THANK YOU, Stacey, for the simple and actionable right hand/left hand exercise. I so need that right now! And my next action is to refuse to beat up on myself for not already being clued in to the implicit “You’re not good enough as you are” message that I’ve been sending out. 🙂

    • Stacey Martino

      You are quite welcome Kathleen!!! Don’t beat yourself up sweetie! Love yourself unconditionally too! So thrilled this served you!!! Sending love!

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