Why Tiger Woods Makes Me Look Good - Small Business Coach, Women Business Coaching - Client Attraction

Why Tiger Woods Makes Me Look Good

Fabienne Fredrickson
December 20, 2009

tiger-woodsI’m going to get on my soapbox for a minute. I hope you don’t mind…

I’ve been watching this Tiger Woods thing unfold over the last couple of weeks, right on the heels of the David Letterman thing, and I always find it interesting to watch how often celebrities and politicians do things out of integrity, and then seem shocked that they got caught.

Obviously, absolute power does seem to corrupt absolutely. It seems to corrupt their logical mind, mostly. The thing that sometimes makes me shake my head in wonder is, “Don’t these people think that, one day, after so many indiscretions, they’d be found out? ESPECIALLY since they’re famous, in a country that both craves fame and at the same time wants to take someone down from their pedestal at the first misstep?”

Whether it’s an affair or multiple affairs, an intimate video, anything, it would seem logical to me that, one day, someone would tell on them, especially because there could be lots of money or even 15-minutes-of-fame involved for them. You may be wondering how this relates to your business and to Client Attraction… It relates because it’s about your reputation in the marketplace. If you don’t have that, other than your list, you don’t have much. The bottom line is, you’ve got to keep your nose clean in doing business, do the right thing, because you create your reputation in every decision you make.

One of the best things I ever read, and unfortunately, I don’t remember if it came from a book, a seminar or a fortune cookie, was about Integrity. I think it read something like: “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one’s watching.” Reading that truly changed my life, in one instant, and I actually think about this each and every day, in everything I do. Perhaps like you, I didn’t always act with integrity. I had some indiscretions myself, in different areas of my life. Nothing major, and I’m not saying that anyone is 100% in integrity, but I sure try. Why? Because if you don’t have integrity, what do you have? Having integrity in your business relates very much to authenticity and transparency.

One of the things that I hear most from my Platinum Mastermind clients is that they really admire how transparent I am with them. I pull the curtain to the side and let them see that it’s not all smoke and mirrors. Sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes I have doubts and fears about moving to the next level in my business, the way everyone does, but I am vulnerable and transparent enough to admit it and therefore set an example for them (so they tell me) that you CAN be really authentic, vulnerable, and transparent, while being highly successful.

The bottom line is, there are a lot of people in business showing a nice exterior, while inside there’s a lot of stuff they’re not upfront about. At the same time, integrity in business is giving your clients high-value, high-content, as often as possible. When you hold a teleclass, even if you’re pitching something at the end, give really good content, stuff they can walk away with even if they don’t buy.

If you’re writing a book, don’t make it all fluff. People are going to be investing HOURS in reading your book. Make it high content, actionable content. That’s the way to get word-of-mouth viral marketing. When you’re hosting a seminar or workshop, give them SO much value in the first day that they feel like they’ve already gotten their money’s worth. Then the rest of the two days, keep giving them great content, and at that point, they’ll rave and rave about you to everyone they know. Why? Because people are really cynical these days.

You can tell folks you’re hosting a life-changing workshop, that their business and income will be transformed once they attend and implement the information, and yet they won’t necessarily believe you because EVERYONE says that! They only way to combat that is to be in integrity and to GIVE great content. Teach, but then give specific examples, give lots of examples, those from your own experience and from those of your clients. Let them model those examples. If they’ve paid good money to attend, if they’ve flown themselves out and put themselves up in a hotel, show them not just the HOW, but the EXACTLY HOW. That’s what they pay for and that’s what they should get. It’s called integrity.

That’s what I’m proud of doing at my MMBW (Marketing and Mindset Breakthroughs Workshop.) Every year and without fail, as I walk off the stage after 3 full days of high-content, high-value, to give hugs to some of the attendees, I’m always swarmed with folks who, with tears in their eyes, say to me, “Fabienne, I got SO much more value in the first day, the first HOUR, than I thought I would get the entire 3 days. Thank you for changing my life. Thanks for being so authentic, so vulnerable and showing me how it can be done. This is the best thing I’ve ever gone to.” And you know what? That always brings tears to my eyes, every time, because I’ve been placed on this earth to make a lasting difference, to be a catalyst in people’s lives and to help people become successful in business and in life. And nothing fills my heart more than hearing the phenomenal success stories from MMBW attendees, weeks and months after attending the event. I can never describe to you how much it fills my heart and brings me to my knees with gratitude.

That said, I could tell you how life-changing the MMBW 2010 will be for you, but you might be cynical. And yet I want you to be there, because I know, deep in my heart, that if you have a big purpose in this world, and you want to help many, many people on this earth through your business, like I do, and want to be handsomely rewarded for it financially, then you’ve got to be at MMBW. It’s everything you need (the compelling marketing, the systems, the business models, the passive and leveraged income, and most especially, the mindset for success.)

Until tonight, you can watch a few videos on the workshop info-page, and then take advantage of my pre-registration tuition ($2,000 off), but only until tonight (Sunday December 20th.) After that, we go retail: http://www.ClientAttractionWorkshop.com (Don’t say I didn’t warn you.) See you in Los Angeles this April. It’s going to be life-changing, I promise.

  • I completely agree with you. I am also astonished that they are somehow surprised that they got caught. I guess I should only be surprised that they didn’t get caught sooner!

    That’s why I appreciate you so much, Fabienne. You ALWAYS give more information than expected. I attended your MMBW this year and I came away with SO much practical information that I could use immediately. You are integrity personified. Thank you!!

    Happy 2010

  • Thanks Fabienne for this article, I totally agree. I admired Tiger wood, and was so disappointed by his “cheating”, lack of integrity.
    I am always surprise by people who tell me they don’t like facebook and social media, because everybody can see and know everything about you. What do you have to hide? That’s the beauty of it! you built relationship and trust with your clients. It’s a great way to do business. And you are a perfect example of that!

  • Fabienne,
    As a therapist who specializes in sexual addictions and in particular cyber-sex and internet addictions,you could not be more correct about what you wrote. Many of these people have an addiction to sex similarly to those that have an addiction to alcohol or drugs. They need treatment and help in the form of therapy. When they are caught up in their addiction they are not thinking about their integrity or the consequences. The definition of addiction is doing the same thing and expecting different results. My appreciation to you for being brave enough to address this issue.
    Steven Fogelman LPC, CADCIII

  • Hi Fabienne,

    I was at your first MMBW. I am an inner circle and boot camp member. I want to take this opportunity to THANK YOU for all you do to help businesses like mine who are trying to get up and running. I find that YOU have integrity and a spiritual slant, which I like. You model for us how to run a business and make efforts to walk the talk. I definitely appreciate the high value, high content you deliver and I appreciate YOU!

  • Hey, Fabienne! Thank you so much for making these comments about integrity! I am fond of saying, “Anything, and I mean anything, that starts in a lie, always ends badly.” It may take time, even years, for it to come to light, but it truly does. And then what? Life is meant to be joyful — why shoot one’s self in the foot like that?

  • Have a wonderful 2010!

    Karen Nelson, M.A. CMH
    Transesse Coaching

  • Fabulous quote: “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no-one is watching.” Thanks for a great post Fabienne.

    I’ve got MMBW workshop in a box and it’s both practical and inspiring. It must be even better live! Go if you get the chance.

    Best wishes

  • Great blog post! I always tell my kids that true character is what we say and do when no one else is watching you. Make today your masterpiece! Mitch – Twitter me at http://www.Twitter.com/mitchjackson

  • You are right on track, Fabienne. One thing that you have taught me comes to mind: there’s public, personal and private areas in life. Public is the view that everyone sees; personal is the view that your friends and family see; and private is what only you and the one or two people very, very close to you or involved in the situation see.

    It’s only when the three of these come together, and when you realize that anything said or done in each of these areas could be shared with one of the other areas, that people begin to live their best, authentic life in all areas. When you hold yourself to a higher standard, others will too.

    When I was first married, I saw on TV a story about some abuse happening in a daycare. I was a stay-at-home mom who watched others’ children, so it was appalling to me that this could happen. I didn’t understand how anyone could do that to innocent children. They were caught when someone ‘accidentally’ left a video camera there. I wondered, “what would happen if we all pretended there was a video camera recording all that we do, looking over our shoulder. How would that change what we do?” Knowing each thing you do could be recorded by someone (and is recorded in others’ minds who are affected), might help everyone act with integrity at all times.

    I challenge everyone who reads this to think about that: How would it change what you do each and every moment of every day? And start taking action on it NOW.


  • Mary Saunders

    I think there is room for improvement in how this culture affects our children.

    In youth, many of our children do not experience the friendly bonding that occurs in some cultures and the sense of caring for family and for long-term relationships, not only with other humans, but also with the earth and the sky and the other life forms.

    Consequently, humans can end up thinking they are the center of the universe, without the competing sense of being a speck in the universe. I heard once a story of a rabbi who said a secret to life is to carry different pieces of paper in each of two pockets, with those contrasting universal positions on each. The trick is to walk the knife edge properly between being a speck and being a center.

    My wise son characterized it to me as social Darwinism when my marriage ended in the usual fashion for so many older women. The new woman scrapped her way up from a difficult beginning. What she had to break to get what she wanted appeared to have negligible consideration for her. My former spouse also had a scrappy beginning, and that was a ground of connection for them.

    My work as a social worker had helped me to work through much of my challenges from life experience, part of which involved rejecting a jealous way of thinking. That is one reason I was so surprised by the way my 28-year marriage ended.

    My former spouse and his girlfriend also had in common an organization I could no longer relate to in good conscience.

    There can be a compulsion attached to competition as opposed to being a part in communities that thrive by cooperation among persons considered to have equal dignity and value.

    The competitive nature can be addictive, and it leads to estrangement that ends up hurting caregivers, children, and even the person whose behaviors caused a rift, over time.

    When emotional and spiritual ways of connecting are missing because so many of us don’t have a language of care, we end up with the terrible challenges of our times.

    Of all the ways of settling disagreements, negotiation between those immediately affected is the best.

    It is too bad it so often gets skipped. Mediation, arbitration, and litigation can cause so much loss, as disinterested paid people fail to understand what the issues really are and how to deal with them constructively, and collateral damage occurs.

    A woman in a spiritual congregation I have participated in said the best advice she got when she married for the first time at 50 was to be gentle with each other. It is easy to lose that in the game of life as other things get lost and grief and fear happen.

    Much of what I read of your life Fabienne, sounds like another planet from my life, and I don’t quite know what to make of it.

    I do appreciate this place to post about issues that may seem a bit off-topic. I don’t have a website, but I am on Facebook.

  • Oma

    I agree with your point about integrity Fabienne. Although integrity has always been a value of mine, it’s even more so, now that I’m an entrepreneur.

    Regarding Tiger, I must say that we only get disappointed when we place people on pedestals. Yes, he was a role model, with public expectations to live up to, and yes, he did wrong. But we all know that no one is perfect. I think we should start getting over “the Tiger thing” now. Personally, I pray that all involved get over it and that Tiger becomes a better person. For me, Tiger doesn’t make me look good, rather he is a stern reminder of how easy it is to fall from grace, and to be extra specially careful.

  • You are 100% correct And that key is the key ingredient… Gratitude. Thank you Fabienne; and may you continue in your success through helping others. And thankyou also for continuously sharing your seeds of positive affirmations. Although, I’m still of the belief … is when you get caught to come clean and be humble. uknow repent… Actually I wrote a piece on why I thought he should come clean. http://destinywatchinfo.blogspot.com/2009/12/somebody-tell-tiger-to-come-out-from.html
    Thanks Fabienne for the opportunity

  • Keith

    “Integrity” is personal.

    I may consider myself to be ‘in integrity’ in something I do – meaning I have not offended my ‘own code of behaviour’ – but I may offend your code of behaviour.

    You may then have your ‘opininion’ as to my behaviour, but that is all it is – an opinion – & what is the value of your opinion? Why would I listen to you? Why would I want to live my life according to your views & therefore the views of others? Where is the authenticity & quality in that?

    Do I agree with Tiger’s behavior? No. Do I now think he is a bad human being? No. I think he did a wrong thing according to my values. Am I dissapointed? Yes – but what ‘right’ does that give me to be superior & judge him?

    When referring to the actions of another, the more accurate statement is “you are out of my integrity”. The question then is “what do I do about it?” The most common response is to be judgemental & reach some ‘conclusion’ about the worth of the human being.

    Integrity means whole or complete – so lets look at the whole human being, the complete picture, whether it is Tiger Woods, a neighbor or a work colleague.

  • Fabienne,

    Your message is so dead on and well put. It moved me and inspired me in a big way as well as reaffirmed my thoughts and feelings on this topic as I spiritually connected with every word you spoke in this message. Thank you for being such a courageous and wonderous teacher. You have provided me with so many more teachings that have helped me grow through your emails, messages on facebook and twitter, live calles and soap boxes alone by far more then all the other souces out there that I have used combined that meet your area of work.

    I am blessed to have found out about you and believe me the example you lead by, helps inspire me to look inside myself to find that I am cabable of the same and can become that too (which i want more than life itself). Thank you for stirring up my soul with your divine work. I have so much success coming my way that is a big thanks to you. You take the cake!

    Thank you! XOXO

  • Fabienne

    I love it, guys! Great posts.

    Yes, I like that: “You are out of my integrity.” That makes a lot of sense. And yes, this culture we live in does indeed like to put people on pedestals, and as I mentioned in the post, likes to tear them down just as quickly. Tracey, I love what you said about how people’s day to day actions might be different if they knew the “camera” was rolling. Very thought provoking. Keep the comments coming! This is rich…


  • Theresa

    Very insightful, Fabienne!
    As I work with athletes and business owners, I continue to remind them that your a product of your product. You may be fun to party with or have a good time with, but at the end of the day, will people want to do business with you based on what core values you showed them. Thank you for reminding us that if we can’t be true to ourselves, than whom can we be true & trustworthy with?
    All my best during this holiday season and Thank you for all you do!,

  • I certainly don’t judge Tiger Woods, but I do shake my head in wonderment. Of course he would be found out eventually, and our culture loves a good tabloid story. The ego involved is mind boggling, really. We can say shame on him, but the truth is, shame on us for carrying on about it for so long. I try to follow the motto, “to thine own self be true,” to keep me focused on staying in integrity. Most of the time it works. 🙂

    BTW, the quote you used is from C.S Lewis.

  • Fabienne, I am in agreement with you about having integrity. I learned early on that all you have is your “good name.” That means having congruency between what you say and the actions you take.

    When I decided to make a career transition and taking the steps toward my life’s purpose, I knew I wanted to work with a coach. I went to MMBW in 2009, the first event I ever attended. I walked away with a life changing decision to join your platinum mastermind program. Although it was a scary decision at that time, it was right for me. This year has been transformative. I appreciate the coaching and inspiration you have provided.

    If anyone is even considering thinking about going to MMBW, take decisive action and go. When you are there please take the time to introduce yourself to me. I would love to meet you.

  • Thank you Fabienne,
    it is a very nice article and I find also integrity as one of the more important value, (profesionaly talking, even the most important one). I think that respecting our clients and offers them really high content is the way that we have to offer a real difference in our services.
    Happy 2010!

  • Patrece

    Oh how I would LOVE to attend this! Unfortunately, I am scheduled for a retreat during the same time frame at the opposite end of the country.

    How I wish I had known of this prior to signing up for and paying for the other retreat I will be attending!

  • Hi All,
    The quote about: “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one’s watching.” is based on a very famous story in the philosopher Plato’s book The Republic. It’s known as the story of Gyges Ring.
    In brief, Gyges had the power to become invisible at any time. And the question was posed, would he – or the average rational person – still act in an ethical way if they knew knowone could see them or know who they were or what they were doing. It’s a great story and a great question.

    Many years ago, I used to be a commercial talk-back broadcaster, today I do a similar thing by running free weekly teleseminars – alternating interview teleseminars, with open-line talk-back teleseminars so that I can talk with all sorts of beautiful people who normally just listen in, and not just the high-profile people.

    And both as a broadcaster and also now with my teleseminars, it’s amazing how many people I’ve met and interviewed (and I’m talking about the high profile people here) who talk a great spiritual loving talk when the mike is on. But behind the scenes all too many, definitely don’t walk the walk.

    Yes I get disappointed in many of them – ESPECIALLY one who will remain nameless because, as Oma mentioned, I’d put him on such a high pedestal that he had a long way to fall.

    On the one hand, I argue that there is no excuse for not being a loving [*read ethical] person whether the mike is on or off.

    On the other hand, I am all too well aware that many people THINK that they are acting in integrity – acting ethically. They have beautiful intentions, but they’ve never learned the skills to enable them to live up to those intentions.

    Believe it or not, there’s a lot more to acting ethically than just feeling warm and fuzzy from time to time and BELIEVING that your ACTIONS are ethical.

    As a result, these high profile people can’t understand why they are ever criticised. I know of so many high profile in that category.

    The biggest problem with these people is that because they are so financially successful, they have become too arrogant to accept the fact that maybe they have more to learn – especially about integrity.

    Re poor old Tiger. I definately do NOT condone his actions. However, it’s always important to take a multi-perspective approach to all things – including Tiger.

    Another perspective is to consider that it is far better for him to have a stable of 10, 15, 20, or however many women, than it is to have just one mistress.

    If he had just one mistress then he would obviously love her as well as his wife. And I do believe that he genuinely loves his wife.

    There is a big difference between genuine love – agape which can last for ever. And lust, or sexual love – eros – which will always fade.

    And so with a stable of women they obviously mean nothing much to Tiger at all, and are there purely to satisfy what seems to be an over active sexual appetite. Or maybe his actions part of an ego-centered problem where he continually needs gratification in ALL sorts of ways – not just the million dollar pay cheques.

    So perhaps instead of continued ridicule for spending some much money on stray women, he now needs to start spending his money on a good MALE psychologist.

    * Re my comment above about integrity and ethics being the same as love. If we live a genuinely spiritually loving life, it is exactly the same as living an ethical life.

    So in business we need to influence our clients with (spiritual) love. In doing so, we will definitely be acting in integrity – acting ethically.

    The problem is that not many people know what living a loving life fully entails.

    Again, as I said earlier all too many people have the most beautiful (loving) intentions, but they’ve never taken the time to learn the skills of what a loving [read ethical] life entails.


    Kashonia Carnegie PhD
    Moral Philosopher

  • Fabienne

    This is such an interesting conversation. I was a little hesitant putting it out there yesterday (didn’t want to seem like I was bashing him personally – we all live in glasses houses in one way or another, and I’m sure it would be easy for someone to bash me for one thing or another) and now I’m really glad I did because it’s been really enriching to read what you’ve written in.

    Thank you. And keep it coming!


  • Fabienne…
    Thanks for this newsletter! I am just getting started in coaching, but for about 20 years I have been a Religious Educator. We call integrity Right Relationship with the people in your congregation…and in your case with your clients and audience. Relationships are really all that you have no matter what business you are in, so having Right Relationships are important. I am constantly disappointed by those in sports. They are bigger than life figures in the eyes of children, so when they fall, it’s a huge disappointment to them and the public gets angry. They feel they’ve been lied to.

    Blessings to you and your family…and Merry Holidays!

  • Maintaining integrity on all areas of life, and as an entrepreneur, in business is a great topic, Fabienne! Thanks for writing this post about it, it gave a lot of insights.

    As a work-from-home mom maintaining integrity in my time management keeps to be challenging me. Working according to my plans instead of letting other things and people to interrupt me – and my own thoughts most of all…

    What you said “Obviously, absolute power does seem to corrupt absolutely.” is so true.

    Therefore I really liked what Tracy said in her comment:
    “what would happen if we all pretended there was a video camera recording all that we do, looking over our shoulder. How would that change what we do?” Knowing each thing you do could be recorded by someone (and is recorded in others’ minds who are affected), might help everyone act with integrity at all times.”

  • Thanks, Fabienne, for 2/3s of a really great article. You’re absolutely spot on with your comments about acting with integrity when nobody’s watching, and knowing that your reputation is your greatest asset.

    I just really wish you had ended your article there, instead of going on to pitch your MMBW. Especially at this time of the year, when we do a bit of soul-searching, giving thanks, and trying to be our better selves and spread as much love around as we can, it would have been nice not to have the sales part tacked on at the end. Kind of made me feel like you were using Tiger Woods as a sales tool. Probably wasn’t your intention, but it’s a disappointing result, at least to this loyal fan.

    Otherwise, good article!

  • I agree with you 100 percent about having integrity. This is the main ingredient! … without this, authenticity and accountability and approach goes out the window. I say, please… please… please come correct.

    we must do and be our best (smile)!

  • Fabienne

    Thank you for your insightful comments on Tiger and “Integrity”. It brought to mind my son’s journey of his college recruitment for Football in which he was asked by one particular university to write and essay on the topic of Integrity and what it meant to him. As a student athlete, he and many other young men and women are looking to the professional athletes for examples of conduct on and off the fields or fairways, so I was very curious as to what he might write. His essay brought two wonderful traits hit the nail on the head! Honor and Character!!!! How his personal conduct on and off the field was a reflection of not only of himself but of the team as a whole, that it was his responsiblity to remember that and to be an example to those around him. The result is Honor, of his good name, his family’s good name and the reputation of his good character. In many cultures Honor is everything to a family! We need to remember this in all walks of our lives, personally and professionally.

    I am proud that my 17 year old could recognize these valuable traits that characterize his integrity! Let us hope that we will hear more about the professional athletes, wall street professionals and all others who live by these standards in 2010 to give this country hope in our future.

  • hughseyp

    hi guys new here, forums looking good


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